I'm back in Singapore!! yeah there's no mistaking it alright.. sweating right after i step out of the airport..
Anyway yeah, I've told her about my feelings for her... She said she needed more time though and i don't blame her... I mean it's still better than a No right? I'm not expecting anything, I just wanted her to know how I felt.. I won't go into details about what she said coz I dunnoe who's reading my blog and I don't want everyone to know...
It was awkward at first the next day and i've tried my best to diffuse it with some success i think. I thought it was ok already until her friend told me that she cried on the night i told her.. Then last night after I helped her to pack her stuffs, she came over to my place to watch movie with a bunch of friends.. I was still in my room when she first came and then another of my friend told me that when she came, her eyes were red and looked teary..
She was on the phone earlier with someone else and i sort of guessed who it was although i cannot be sure... But one thing I assume that if she cried last night, it would have had something to do with me..
Is this really what I want? Am i giving her too much pressure? I want her to be happy.. I want her to smile when she thinks of me... I don't want her to keep crying because I told her how I felt.. If what I've done has caused all this, I would rather not have told her anything..
After I heard my friend said that she came in with her eyes red and teary, i really felt bad about myself.. Was I being too selfish and did not consider her feelings? Should I just pull the plug and pretend that everything is as per normal.. Should I pretend that I never sent her anything at all.. Should I pretend that nothing happened at the "place". Should i pretend that I never liked her. She looked so much happier before the events took place and when she's happy, i'm happy too.
A part of me feels like telling her that i know it's been hard on her these past few days and if it would make her feel better, i am willing to take it that nothing happened... We could continue being friends like how it was before and she would be much happier...
However there's another part of me that is stopping me from doing that.. I don't want to lose her, not until she is really sure that we can't be together.. But then again, I am afraid that I would cause her more misery if i still persist on... I dun want to make her cry again... Although her friend has reassured me that this is not the case, I still feel that she's not saying No yet because of what I've done and she doesn't want to hurt my feelings..
People who know me well, knows that I've locked up my heart for many years.. I'm at a loss right now and don't know what should I do...
